A short lockdown story…

Here we go again; January 2021 finding myself moving all my furniture around making some space to create a bedroom studio for online classes…the third time I’ve done this.
It felt different this time, I had a lot of motivation, I put on 1 or 2 classes a day to keep my team enthusiastic with being at home.

I really struggled with the November lockdown, to the point I wanted to give up my business and quit. I had zero energy left for it. I had no direction and felt lost within my business.
So January felt like we were at the beginning of the end of the pandemic.
For me the hardest part about teaching online was that I couldn’t speak to my students like I do during a class, I like to check in on everyone, ask how they are, how their day was… its part of my process. Tell me how you’re feeling, then we’ll get on the pole, or do your splits, whatever it is… I think its so important to share as for me it prevents injury, helps them let go, helps them focus on whats in front of them and be present.

For example if you’ve had a really stressful day, you come to a pole class, get frustrated at the pole and fall off as your mind is all over the place. If you’re on a flexibility journey its so important to check in on the mind, if you’re anxious and tired, you might push too far causing injury.

It is such an important element of my teaching process. Get it off your chest so you can focus on the task in hand. (of course I don’t expect a full personal story, and students don’t share anything they don’t want to share)
Being online I was so worried I’d loose this…but interestingly something else happened, as you have to be so vocal and communicate every movement it helped students be in the present… you have to focus (I could see when somebody was just having a lie down though… you know who you are).

I’m very open about my struggles with panic attacks, anxiety, depression and overthinking, I’m not a therapist, I don’t give advice, but I can listen and offer my support.

Through the lockdown and post lockdown I have noticed in myself and others have come to me with these concerns; obsessive Social Media causing ‘comparison’ whether its body type, fitness levels, flexibility, life… all sorts.
Comparison leads to insecurities, insecurities can lead to anxiety, anxiety can lead to self- destruction; those voices in our head telling us we are not good enough.

For me Comparing my business was a LOW point, worrying I wasn’t doing enough, worrying my social media doesn’t get enough attention, worrying people will choose to go elsewhere because they don’t like me… STOP.

Because of this social media obsession, I did loads. I pushed and pushed. I did too much.

I wasn’t listening to my body or soul. I was listening to the 24/7 grafters…the ‘busy’ people, the ‘work hard’ people… It literally destroyed me (dramatic I know) but I have come out of that with lots of injuries which in my eyes is hugely affecting my business.
So it has not only made me feel crap in my body, but now my business has suffered, so what does that do to my mind? Who am I without my business?

I love my job, I love my business, I love my students…why would I destroy that, because of comparing myself to a fake life online?

I explored a lot of subjects through the lockdown; I feel a lot and I’m a very deep thinker.
I am always and will always be on top of racism, hatred, homophobia, any type of bullying as feel its really important as a business owner to be on top of this. Its in my heart as human being and I can’t close it or turn a blind eye to it.
Women’s rights, being a woman, sexual harassment, feminism, sexual rights, sex workers, strippers…this is also really important to me and my business.
Asian hate crime, Asian hate, looking how the past year has affected the Asian community. The Trans community. So many levels to this.
The Media, twitter, keyboard warriors and mental health, at one point I had an obsession with this, how the Media treats people… Caroline Flack, Britney Spears, Lady Diana, Audrey Hepburn, Jesse from little mix…. Its so sad that the list goes on.
Close friendships moving on, family and the private world around you not going how you’d like it to.
How society treats our bodies.. all our bodies.
Don’t get me started with Seaspiracy…

It’s a heavy and really tough world to live in when you’re a deep thinker.

But there is light… I have learnt so much, all these things had to happen for me to grow, all these subjects needed to go through my body for me to learn, educate, understand. We will never stop learning and may make mistakes along the way but there is light, there is hope and there is work to be done.

I took some time out from social media, I’m back on my journaling and meditating as much as I can.
Studio doors can open. The excitement, the energy and the pure relief.
For me I felt a lot of pressure that my classes need to be EPIC as everyone has waited so long. But then came this body obsession, body comparison, body worries, body dysmorphia.

We live in a society that tells us our bodies need to be perfect, when perfect is completely impossible, and its completely impossible to maintain. Your body will change with age, hormones, lifestyle, stress, dietary requirements… the air you breath.

For some reason, the lockdown taught us so much… but yet we come out with so much pressure on us to look and be a certain way.

Haven’t we been through enough? Haven’t we all just been trying to hold it together and not crumble?

So no… society’s version of your body is completely impossible and dangerous towards your body and mental health.

Check who you’re following on social media, check if they’re making you feel good or you’re actually comparing yourself, are they inspiring you? Are they being true about themselves? So much of our social media lives are fake and it is so damaging.

We must return and ground ourselves to the way we feel, the way our heart beats, the way our soul feels joy.

We must get out into the world (currently UK) and explore, open your eyes to the world and see what inspires you.

Coming out of lockdown has been a tough transition for many, I’ve really struggled…but I have realised I was holding on to lockdown, I didn’t want to let it go… as soon as I realised this I could grasp the present moment, let go and look into the future ahead of me.

And I will hopefully inspire and guide my students to do the same thing. Start living in the here and now and creating your future for you, what have you learnt in lockdown that has changed you? Take that forward…

Thank you so much for reading my waffle….

Lots of big love Bry

Bryony Farrar

Check out TheBMovement One Stop page here, for links to the instagram and Facebook.

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